Saving graces

One of my many character flaws is my inflexibility: When I have it in my head that the next fifteen minutes will go a certain way, and then they don't, I get totally bent out of shape and fairly grumpy.

Honestly, that's where I was Saturday afternoon with Lilie.  We'd spent the morning at our house in Wentzville while Katie was running Christmas errands.  Lilie and I had played with the dogs, read a couple of books, created some dry erase artwork, and in general lazed about.  Katie returned in time for a late lunch, and by the time we were finishing up, I was as ready for a nap as Lilie was. 

Of course, Lilie didn't know she was ready for a nap.  She used every trick in the book to dodge the bullet: Will you read to me?  Will you rock me?  Will you sing to me?  I'm thirsty.  I don't want a pillow.  Can I lay on that blanket instead of this one?  I don't want to lay at this end of the crib, I want the other end of the crib.  Can you cover me up?  I want a pillow.  I want to sleep on my tummy.  Can you cover me up?  Where's my chinchilla?  Can you cover him up?

Keep in mind, enough time passed between some of these requests to allow me to lay down on the floor next to her crib and get about two sentences into a good paragraph - or even enough time to rest my head in sweet anticipation of the promised nap.  So each time I had to get up and satisfy one of the demands.

I know, Mom - I know I'm the adult here, and I can leave the room and let her figure it out through primal scream therapy.  But this was atypical for Lilie; she usually drifts off in under ten minutes.  I was sure she'd do that after each time I helped her with a stuffed animal or a blanket.  It was a bit like sprinting over hot coals while you're lost in the smoke...  You're frantically confident that each step will be the last.

So when she finally asked me, "Will you pat my bum?", I told her to lay on her tummy and close her eyes, and I may have sounded a bit stern.  She flopped over and squinted like Clint Eastwood, then smiled while I patted away. 

That's when she opened her eyes and looked at me with a big smile, and laid me low with a very humbling remark delivered in a sweet near-whisper:

"I'm really having fun at your house, Daddy.  I'm really having fun."

She was asleep long before I got over the guilt from being such a grump.